Monday, December 25, 2006

Open Letter From Eli Manning

from steve72:

I Wish Everyone Had Listened When I Said My Favorite Sport Was Squash

Do you see now, people? Have you finally f*cking figured it out?

I do not like football. I don't know how much clearer I can make that point. This sport blows. Everyone's running around and hitting each other... yikes. All I wanted when I was a kid was to hang out with my mom in the kitchen and make some zucchini bread. But nooooo, everyone's all like, "You're a Manning. You should play football!"

F*ck that. You should hear my dad in interviews. "We never pushed football on the boys..." Yeah right, old man. I just fell into this sh*t naturally. It had nothing to do with the family football games we played every afternoon for SEVENTEEN F*CKING YEARS, Dad. Or the film study sessions after dinner. No, that was for fun. Ass.

And Peyton! Guhhhhh, what a fucking d*ckwad. "Hey, Dad! I've memorized the playbook!" "Hey Dad, want to go look at your old game films?" "Hey Dad, I audibled to a slant-and-go pattern!" F*cking brownnoser. Hey Peyton, I just threw two picks and blew a game to Tennessee because I'm not as good as you! Isn't that exciting? F*ckface.

But those two aren't even the worst offenders in my family. No, I always get Cripple Boy pulling me aside and spouting off some sh*t like, "Cherish these games, Eli. You're lucky to be playing in them." Oh, yeah? I got crazed loons like Albert Haynesworth trying to chase me down and stomp on my f*cking nuts. Does that sound like fun to you, Cooper? You get to sell real estate and ride Jet Skis on weekends. Meanwhile, I got Coach Stalin chewing me out and the New York tabloids writing punny headlines telling everyone what a dipsh*t I am. Oh yeah, bro. I'll cherish these moments. They're f*cking sterling.

God dammit, do I look like I enjoy playing this game? Have you ever seen me smile? Have you even ever seen my expression change? No. I always look like someone just asked me to solve a trigonometry formula. I only play this game because everyone expected me to. I don't like hanging out in the locker room. I don't like slapping asses after a win. I don't like any of that sh*t.


Give me squash. There's a sport. You got two guys in a box swatting at a dead superball. Now THAT I can get on board with. No coaches. No annoying family members telling you about how "great the game is". None of that crap. Just you, some other sweaty guy, and lots of grunting. Bliss.

I got a bigass signing bonus, you know. I could play that sh*t all day. All I have to do is prove to everyone that I'm not good enough to play this bullsh*t football. Critics say I'm inaccurate. Wanna bet? I'm the most accurate f*cking passer in the world, people. Those aren't interceptions I'm throwing. They are F*CKING CRIES FOR HELP.

Don't you get it? I don't want to do this anymore. Let some other moron run sit back in the pocket, waiting to get jacked. If only I could just quit, like that dipsh*t Tiki. He says he's quitting and the entire media slobs his knob for going out "before he does permanent damage to his body". Whore. If I quit tomorrow, everyone would call me a gutless p*ssy. What a bunch of bullsh*t. Eat sh*t, Tiki. Eat my sh*t.

I'm gonna get out of this game. And if it means throwing another 20 dead-on picks and costing the Giants the playoffs, then f*ck it. I'm doing it. You can't stop me. Nothing will keep Eli from that squash court.

nice, steve. the best part for me is that trading philip rivers, shawne merriman, and nate kaeding for eli the overrated is going to haunt the giants for years. i was happy when the giants drafted eli, and i'm glad my faith in his ability to fail is being rewarded.

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Game 15 Thoughts

merry christmas eagles fans! what a great day and a great game. while it is especially sweet because it came against a division rival and me-o, really the best part is that this team is peaking at the right time and looks to be a serious contender in the weak nfc.

- how nice is it to have a real, live, professional backup QB on the team instead of good ol' neck beard? holy moly, this team can still compete. garcia didn't play a perfect game by any means, but he manages the game pretty well and does enough good things for the team to win.

- it continues to amaze me how coaches and scouts focus so much on arm strength. garcia looked pretty bad as a brown and a lion and all the reports said it was because he lost some arm strength. his arm seems strong enough to get the job done to me.

- garcia's big mistake of the day came in the middle of a series of huge momentum swings that played a big part in the outcome of the game -- dallas fumble, garcia interception, goal line stand. i'm a big believer in the analyses that show that coaches should go for it a lot more often than they do, but those analyses don't (or can't) take the emotional impact of a failed attempt as much as they should. the cowboys lost a lot of confidence after they failed to score on that 4th and goal, and it greatly impacted the outcome of this game.

- i continue to be underwhelmed by brodrick bunkley. on that spectacular goal-line stand, bunkley got bent over backwards and carried about 5 yards into the endzone on second down. fortunately for bunkley, darwin walker and a LB (didn't see who) pinched in and filled the void.

- great game by quentin mikell. dallas ran so few plays today that mikell tied for the team lead with 4 solo tackles. still, when the cowboys had the ball, mikell made some big plays. none was more important than the 4th and goal tackle that mikell -- blitzing from the offensive right side, evading the fullback, and making a solid tackle on barber -- but that wasn't the only impactful play he made. a couple of others of note were the fumble he caused on the eagles first kickoff and a play where he didn't even make the tackle. sometime in the second quarter, mikell came flying into the backfield from the offense's left on a running play designed to sweep left. quentin attacked the fullback and completely blew up the play. he didn't make the tackle, but mikell's ability to take on and control the fullback was impressive.

- true to form, JJ was able to eat up a relatively inexperienced tony romo today. one interesting thing that madden mentioned was how JJ loves to attack when the eagles get the lead and how that is when the eagles d is most effective. observations like that are what continues to make me nervous about JJ's scheme. isn't everyone's defense more effective in that situation -- i.e. when offenses get more one dimensional? seems to me that having a lead be a prerequisite for defensive success might indicate a flaw in the defense.

- shawn andrews celebrated his pro bowl selection with a great game. he was dominating at times today.

- the eagles are getting a lot of mileage from new long snapper jon dorenbos' magic act. i think we've seen the last of mike bartrum. thanks for your years of service, mike.

- the team seems to be validating those of us who believed that this team is plenty talented enough.

just one more win and we're guaranteed a home playoff game! joe, i'll take mike's ticket if you haven't sold it.

it's wishful thinking, i know, but i can't help but hope for a phil simms/jeff hostetler type outcome to the season.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Larry Brown Returning?

hooray! not only do the sixers absolutely suck, they're also considering bringing back larry brown. not really a surprise i guess.

how the heck can this team consider bringing him back after the way he left the team and all that BS he pulled. lest anyone forget, he forced the team to let fire him by quitting on the team, and the king of fools ed snider, in his rage, let him go to another team without compensation. (how the heck did that guy get rich?)

remember the last playoff series against the pistons? remember how the team called timeout and LB sat on the bench by himself? remember that? you know, the series when he decided that he wanted to coach that team instead of the sixers, starting a process where the pistons fired rick carlisle because LB surreptitiously let it be known that he wanted the job? of course the pistons got the same treatment in the end. i guess it was worth it for them since they got a title out of it, but frankly, i thought that team should have won 3 titles instead of the 1 they did win.

i'm sticking by my post a few months ago, larry brown is the devil:
who has the devil ever developed or "guided"? seriously? all mephistopheles does is bitch about people to the media. he doesn't develop them. yes, yes, satan is one of the best x's and o's coaches of all time, but it's well known that he doesn't develop young players and greatly prefers working with veterans who already know how to play. he doesn't have the patience, the temperment, or frankly the integrity to "develop" a headcase. by the time he leaves, the players know him for the weasel he is. they work with him every day. they know that everything non-basketball related that comes out of his mouth is complete bulldung. you never, *ever* hear an ex-larry brown player pining to be reunited with that turd. even danny manning (old cloven hoof's all-time favorite player) was once mortified at the thought of being reunited with lucifer.
the only hope i'm clinging to is that he's not coming in to coach the team. the ability to develop young players has to be a primary skill of the sixers coach. the devil is not the guy for that. sigh.

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Iverson a Nugget

sixers trade iverson and ivan mcfarlin to denver for andre miller, joe smith, and 2 first round picks in 2007 (denver and dallas).

probably the best deal they could have done. they'll still only have their own lottery pick since denver and dallas are both likely to make the playoffs, but i'm glad they got picks instead of just expiring contracts. that would probably have irritated me almost as much as getting nothing in return for abreu irritated ben.

next steps for the sixers:

- lose
- lose
- lose

it's greg oden or bust, sixers. i hope you're smart enough to realize it.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

ESPN Top 50 Hockey Forwards

so according to ESPN, sidney crosby and alex ovechkin make the cut for the top 50 forwards of all-time despite only having played just over one friggin' season apiece. egad.

meanwhile, guys like: joe sakic, joe mullen, joe nieuwendyk, and teemu selanne (all 500 goal scorers, mind you) are no shows.

who made this list? obviously not someone who watches the damn game.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Iverson Update

latest from espn's marc stein:
The Nuggets, then, remain at the forefront of the Iverson chase, where they've been since the middle of last week, largely because they're offering Philly two picks in the first round of the June draft. No other Iverson suitor has matched that pitch yet, but the Nuggets still must find a third team to absorb the long-term contract of Nene -- or placing Reggie Evans somewhere can also make the salary-cap math work -- to satisfy all of the Sixers' current demands.

Philly has made it quite clear that it wants nothing but expiring contracts along with those draft picks, along with its chief aim of getting back a top-flight youngster like Minnesota's Randy Foye or Shaun Livingston of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Those names, of course, aren't just picked at random. Philly's longstanding interest in the Villanova-schooled Foye will continue to keep Minnesota in the race, but the short-on-assets Wolves -- who don't have a tradeable first-round pick for the rest of the decade -- need a third-team conduit to complete a trade as much as Denver.
Multiple sources, meanwhile, insisted over the weekend that the Clippers are an increasingly feasible destination for Iverson. The Clips have indeed shown interest in Iverson for months, but only at a certain price. Translation: The Clips have been interested only in building a deal around the very available Corey Maggette and keeping Livingston out of it.

Although there's been no indication that the Clips are prepared to lift Livingston's untouchable tag, sources say Philly remains hopeful that the Clips will eventually relent if their 4-11 slump deepens. Dragging out the race, as Sixers general manager Billy King publicly announced on Sunday he is willing to do, also raises the possibility that the list of suitors will grow. Miami unexpectedly stated an interest last week and more teams could follow as the season takes greater shape.
getting two first rounders is by far the best thing the sixers could hope for in an iverson deal. my gosh, i hope that happens. foye is going to be a nice nba player, but this franchise has to get itself a big man. i only know of one guy in the history of the nba who was able to win without a big man... and i don't see any michael jordan's running around these days.

getting the picks is step one. step two is finding someone other than billy king to use them.

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Game 14 Thoughts

a hugely entertaining and suprising win by the philadelphia eagles yesterday. a team that was given up for dead after the abomination at indy continues to scratch and claw to keep itself alive in the (knock on wood) playoff race. the reason this is possible is that the entire NFC stinks and the eagles might end up being... never mind. let's just see how the season plays out.

- garcia continues to manage the game well. he's making mistakes but when he does they're either not killing the team or the defense is dropping the ball. it's nice having a professional backup QB able to play at a decent level. i keep waiting for the garcia who i saw in cleveland and detroit to show up, but as it turns out, it seems like that was more a reflection of those teams than garcia himself. nice work by jeff. unfortunately, this means the morning idiot is going to use this to try mobilize the dregs of eagles nation to stir up some sort of QB controversy. ugh. gotta get that guy off the air.

- dawkins played an unbelieveable game yesterday. while he doesn't quite have the range he once did, his instincts and ability to create turnovers still make him a force on the field.

- i thought aikman was pretty bad yesterday, making several mistakes or ridiculous assertions. a few that i remember off the top of my head:
1) "the eagles are doing a nice job of getting plaxico the ball", yes it's a minor point, but it was the start of a series of head scratchers
2) joe buck says "plaxico got away with a little push-off there", aikman says "... lito just misplayed the ball in the air, buck sneaks in a "well, plus there was a little push-off" right before the next play starts. seemed pretty obvious that plax pushed off a little.
3) dawkins causes brandon jacobs fumble. aikman says "gee i don't know what caused that fumble. it doesn't look like anyone put their helmet on the ball." meanwhile, the replay is clearly showing dawkins put his hat right on the ball. aikman closes with "maybe it was his shoulder".
4) hank baskett gets called for a hold on a long running play. aikman says "i don't see where the holding call is." meanwhile, baskett is in the center of the screen, clearly holding someone and twisting them away from the runner".
yes, most of these were minor gaffes, but there were a few more of these during the game. he seemed off his game yesterday.

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Monday, December 11, 2006

AI Trade Goal

the goal of trading AI should be to maximize the chances of selecting greg oden in next year's draft. i don't care what mix of garbage players and/or contracts the sixers have to take back. the goal of this trade is simple: get the best draft pick(s) possible.

this is supposed to be the best draft for big men in 10 years. get picks.

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Game 13 Thoughts

a game that started out as a drubbing and ended up (once again) with the eagles holding on for dear life. meh. the nice thing is that everyone else sucks too. indy getting trampled by jax, NE shutout by the dolphins, cowboys squashed by NO.

- eagles continue to get gashed on the run, nothing new there. still lots of missed tackles.

- the michael lewis return TD was nice, but the play was really made by william james. james doesn't get in the game that much, but when he does, i think he's playing as well or better than anyone else in the secondary.

- garcia played ok, but he got away with 2 picks again. mcnabb would be getting creamed on air and in the press.

eagles get a gift win to keep them in the playoff race.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Freddy Garcia is a Phil

i originally saw it reported on philly.com and then corroborated on mlb.com. the phils are sending gavin floyd and gio gonzalez to the white sox for freddy garcia. aaron rowand is not part of the deal.

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Possible Phillies Deals

seems like gillick has some deals brewing -- most of them seemingly good ones.

The White Sox have a surplus of starting pitchers and are looking to deal Freddy Garcia, Javier Vazquez or Mark Buehrle. It is believed that the Phillies are focused on Garcia, a righthander who won 17 games last season and pitched for the Seattle Mariners when Gillick was that team's GM from 2000-03.

To get Garcia, the Phils most likely would have to part with centerfielder Aaron Rowand and a prospect, possibly pitcher Gavin Floyd, and maybe more.

If the Phils were successful in landing Garcia, or another pitcher from the White Sox' stable, they could then peddle Jon Lieber to Milwaukee for outfielder Kevin Mench and late-game reliever Derrick Turnbow, a former Phillies farmhand. That deal appears to be in place, pending the outcome of talks between the Phils and White Sox.
seems like would these be good baseball deals and they would improve the team greatly. also, it would replace one fan favorite (rowand) with another scrapper very likely to be popular (mench).

plus, mench has the biggest head in baseball so that's another plus in my book.

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Game 12 Addendum

before anyone goes overboard and starts having delusions of grandeur (i don't think anyone will), just make sure you factor in these things when assessing last night's win:

- panthers have a horrible defense
- jake delhomme was the opposing QB
- panthers best RB was out and the eagles d still got gashed on the ground and on screens
- garcia was very good last night. the jury is still out on whether it was mirage or that's what we can expect from him consistently.

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Duce on the Loose

steelers cut duce yesterday. do the eagles make a play for him? should the eagles make a play for him?

i'd like to see them sign him if only to appease my wife, who once said, "westbrook? who cares about westbrook? he's short and he can't run the ball. they should get duke staley back."

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Game 12 Thoughts

eagles claw their way back into contention with a nip and tuck win over the equally inconsistent and mistake-prone carolina panthers. just when we thought we were out, they drag us back in!

as the game was going on, i couldn't decide whether the game was really exciting or really boring. i think stylistically the game was terrific, with both teams keeping the score close and making consistent big plays throughout; however with the gloom and doom sitting like a pall over the season, it was difficult for me to get entirely into it. i think a lot of people must have felt that way because the crowd didn't really get into it until the 4th quarter.

- jeff garcia played really well. he took some big hits, stayed tough in the pocket when he needed too, and scrambled when he needed to. he did make a couple of bad decisions that he got away with when the defense dropped the ball, but he also made some clutch downfield throws when the game was on the line. overall and good and efficient game. interestingly, garcia's line was 21-39 for 312 yards with 3 TDs and no picks. after a game like that, people would be b*tching about how mcnabb only had 54% completion percentage and horrible accuracy, fortunately for garcia, he's not dealing with the same garbage.

- omar gaither played about as well as matt mccoy did. i didn't see a significant difference between them. gaither takes on blocks a little better (though not much) and seems a little more instinctive but is noticeably slower.

- runyan played the best game of the year of anyone on the o-line i think. he controlled peppers at the line and a) didn't really let him anywhere near garcia all game and b) was able to push him off the ball more often than not. great job by runyan.

- wow is trotter s-l-o-w. he doesn't have much time left.

- no pressure on delhomme. the pass rush is a real problem spot. some of it was "del-homo" (as someone behind me called him... i confess i thought it was funny) getting rid of the ball or grounding it, but a lot of it was guys just getting eaten at the line. even the blitz was ineffective for most of the night.

- horrible game for reno.

- eagles were taking mike patterson off the field in obvious passing situations (moving darren howard into the middle). they must be down on him a little. i guess with good reason as he certainly hasn't played very well this year.

- donte' stallworth is a terrific receiver when he is healthy. i wonder if he'll be back next season.

- eagles called passes exactly 2/3 of the time. yet, no one is b*tching about the play distribution today. what gives?

- defense still had problems tackling out there. whenever deangelo williams got into space, the defense started running around like chickens with their heads cut off and tripping over each other. there were at least three plays when a would be tackler (usually trotter) got taken out by a flailing eagles teammate (usually considine).

- BTW, does anyone out there still want john fox as the eagles coach?

- bad job by some fans who started chanting for AJ when garcia was on the ground. there weren't many of them, but it came from the same corner (south side of the stadium on the visitor side) as it did when they were chanting AJ during mcnabb's slow start a few years back. what the f*ck is up with those guys? aside from having one of the hottest girlfriends around, what the heck has he done?

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